bethb's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i'm having another crisis the x's have mostly faded from my hands. yesterday, as i was reading the paper, there's an advice columnist whom i like a lot. i think she's usually very clever but yesterday dealt with kids. i think it dealt solely with kids. and i know she just had kids, so her voice has changed a bit...just a wee bit. it's kind of lost the edge. not entirely, but some. Kids have been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not sure why, they just have been. i think it's because all of a sudden, I've woken up and I'm 29 and I'm still in a small apartment with a cat and a bass guitar and a record collection and one toothbrush in my bathroom. and, well....sometimes that toothbrush feels lonely. but really, what's at the heart of the matter are kids. and.....i don't think i want them, so then what's the problem? a one toothbrush and bass guitar life is extremely conducive to being kid-less, then why do i feel like I'm *supposed* to want them? no one is really making me feel like i need them. or the big stroller multi-toothbrush life. or maybe they are. maybe I'm just afraid that one day I'm going to wake up and realize that i do want the multi-toothbrush and SUV sized stroller life but it will be too late. i think i blame this all on the gilmore girls. i think that's the ammunition in this crap mood. I've never watched the gilmore girls until this year, now that channel 50 is doing an 'easy view' or whatever of random episodes from their first season. and i enjoyed it. ok? i enjoyed it immensely. the fact that they speak in rapid fire patterns, they name check XTC and pj harvey and actually *have* XTC and pj harvey as their sound track, luke and his little diner, and stars hollow, god help me, i love me the stars hollow. sometimes i think it would be nice to live there. not there, but a town. a smaller town where everyone is nice and there's meetings in a barn. sometimes i want that. but then i know fugazi wouldn't play there....well, actually, maybe they would if the cause was great enough... and in one of the more pathetic moments of my day, i got an email from a friend who's band is playing at the black cat in a few days and on the list of email recipients, my name was next to his, and i'm not gonna lie.....it made me smile a bit. how gay is that? new album to decide on today: beat happening - dreams 12:00 p.m. - 2003-03-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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