bethb's Diaryland Diary

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being alone is all i know

i'm having a stupid freakout about my life.
with all my friends owning homes, getting married, having babies.
i own a cat and a car.
i'll never own a home. i'm 32. i'll most likely never have kids. which i'm not that upset about because i don't really think i have it in me to have a kid. i mean, yeah, all the mechanics are there and they're fine, but i really don't think i could ever financially, emotionally really do right by a child. even tiny pants.
i can't seem to meet or connect with anyone.
everyone around me is having these deliberately adult lives and i'm painting turtles and nursing an infection in my gum.
when i go to sleep at night i don't roll over another human. it's generally a newspaper or a few magazines. i don't have anyone to fall asleep talking to or to cook for or plan menus with or weekend trips. when i go shopping i'm generally alone or with my boss because shopping with people annoys me because i'm so set in my ways with my pace of how i do stuff....
a friend that i'm going out with tonight is alone b/c her husband is away this week and she was saying how she hasn't been alone in so long....and all i could think of is how that's all i know...

9:49 a.m. - 2006-01-11

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