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bethb's Diaryland Diary

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Is there really a lid for every pot?

Thereís a Scandanavian comic book artist named Jason who I like quite a bit. I think the first book of his that I read was ďYou canít get there from hereĒ. Iím not going to go into the plots and sub-plots. I will only mention that there are two scientists having a discussion about love in a booth of a diner and one of them says ďsome people are meant to be alone and Iím one of themĒ.

The first time i read that sentence it resonated in me something fierce. I felt like I was hollow and someone dropped it inside and it bounced and echoed until it hit every part of me from my fingertips to my toes to my brain. In the book, the friend protests and isnít that what we want all our friends to do when we drop an edict like that? But what if itís true?

Iím watching relationships of people around me- friends, former friends and some acquaintances dissolve, resolve evolve with others all around me. And, well, not to be rude, but some of these people are some hard, hateful, bitter people. Maybe I am too. Iím trying not to be. But as Iím looking and watching Iím thinking ďmy god! what is so wrong with me?Ē I mean, yeah, aesthetically Iím not really very appealing I guess but is that really everything? Is it?

Is it just that some people are meant to be alone? I like traveling by myself. Should I just give up? Iíve pretty much already resolved myself to the fact that if Iím in DC, I am going to be alone. Thatís just the way it is. I know thereís no guarantee of actually finding a guy that would rather date me than step on rusty nails if/when I do ever move to Philly or Chicago.

I feel like in my core, yes. I am meant to be alone. but when I tell myself that, I feel sad about that. I donít know how to resolve the two sides.

3:57 p.m. - 2011-02-09

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