bethb's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- don't touch me-i'm fridgid *brrrrr* i'm going to visit my parents today. i just typed 'home' but home is here now. i've actually been better about that. I love DC and i am so glad i moved here, i just wish i wasn't so shy about everything. it's retarded! something in me snapped between college and grad school...it's not that i was unflapable before, b/c i sho' do know that i had my limits, but before i went to NYC for my URTA interviews, i just bawled in front of my mother. it literally freaked her the fuck out "what are you doing? i've never seen you like this!!!!" i think she was used to, and expecting independent beth who four years prior was chomping at the bit to get her ass off to college, and what she was witnessing was beth who had conquered college, and was having some real serious moments of worthlessness. it's a horrible thing, to doubt yourself, and your art, and your self worth, and your talent-if you even have any, your creativity, your judgement, your heart. it's scary. you don't recognize yourself after while. and truthfully, i don't think i've been the same since. i'm still a fun gal...it just takes me longer to warm up to people. so if i see you around, and all i manage is a shy smile and a dorky wave....well....i'll come around... 09:30:17 - 2000-04-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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