bethb's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a moment of silence I picked up the phone and she was sobbing huge, loud, all consuming sobs LEA! WHAT'S WRONG? she chokes out (what i thought was) 'my dog died' oh god, i'll be right there. now, i'm not a fan of berlin, he's a yappy little snarkey dog, but lea loves him nonetheless, and being that lea is one of my best friends, so do i. I drive over, squeeze my car into an impossibly tiny space, grinding the back left tire on the curb the whole drive i'm wondering what position did he die in? is he frozen, forever repose, under her futon? has she touched him? will i have to? where will we bury him? her back yard? Lincoln park might be nice... 'is it even legal to bury a dog in DC?' she'll ask.. i'll respond, sure, i mean, i don't see why not, it's not like he's a saint bernard...he's just a tiny schnauzer maybe we can plant a dogwood or something... fuck i look at my tire i know it's going to be flat by the time i return to my car i run down the block to lea's apartment, turn the corner, fly down the walkway to her stairs and i hear berlin's ever present bark. my mind switches gears was he asleep? was he stunned? unconscious? a lazarus joke already forming in my head i am greeted by lea's tear-stained face. she is no longer crying i point at berlin and say 'what's this????' 'what's what?' 'i thought you said berlin died?' 'my dad...' BOOOOOF incase you didn't know, that's the sound the floor makes when it falls out from beneath your feet. I rush over to hug her and she's crying and so am i. i don't know what to say, so i say nothing and just hold her and hope in some way, this is helping. then a thought pops into my head. an awful, sickening, stomach wrenching, quasi-selfish thought that i wish i could squelsch, but i can't and it's enforced the next day by another friend.... is this how old we've gotten? we're now at a point where we will start losing our parents? we sit on the couch, amid the boxes she's packed for gradschool in the fall... all my friends are leaving DC to go to gradschool... i try not to think about that either. she tells me he had a heartattack...he was out in the backyard working on the sprinklers with her older brother. he was 54 two years younger than my parents. she had just spoken to him the previous evening, they had discussed ideas for a set and she would dedicate it to him. she had gotten to exchange i love you's. i vow to never hangup on my parents the phone rings and it's sarah, she comes over. i try to lighten the mood with the berlin story. we all laugh. this is good, i think. i think i am helping my friend by making her laugh, and all of a sudden, i am schecky baldwin. master of the stand-up there are phone calls to make, plans to cancel because she will drive to florida today to be with her mom. some phonecalls she can't make, so i make them for her, simply leaving it as a 'family emergency'. she needs to pack, i need to find birdcages for work, so i leave, promising i will be back in two hours. and i am. i did not find birdcages. i went home and called my parents and told them how much i love them, and then i just sat and held my cat. ran back over to lea's, helped her load her car, offered to water the plants and take in the mail. monday she calls, she's made it down there safely. her mom has her family and the 2 year old niece is helping to keep things light i think. i think that is good. i love you lea 09:36:53 - 2000-05-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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