bethb's Diaryland Diary

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more stuff i hate

the big yellow van is leaving tomorrow.
good bye unrest's old van. most secret van. one-tour beauty pill van.
ryan calls is "the paperweight" because it's just sitting in the driveway.
he's sad about it since it was his first car.
i'm a little sad about it too....but it will be nice to park in the driveway.
i took some pictures of him standing on it. and ryan peering into the motor. and ryan trying to jump the van because it wouldn't start.
tonight GRB are playing iota with andrew bird. and while i would not mind starring at andrew bird for an hour or so, i'm not up to a show. i'm beat. i haven't even really done anything really taxing at work. it's all been small little stupid things.
many...many small little stupid things that mostly center around dixie carter and making sure picture frames aren't too big. paper isn't too stiff....sofa's aren't too red.
i'd like to be kidding about at least two of those but i'm not.
all three 100% true.
sometimes it's the small things that are the hardest to bear. i really feel like the longer i have to spend making sure actors like the quality of the paper the letters are printed on, the blacker my soul turns.
it's true.
i'm using one week of my vacation time this summer so i can be trained to teach adults to read...i've tried once before, but there's an intense 3 or 4 day training period i haven't had time for before but it's time now.
plus, i might meet some people who aren't in theatre which might be nice.
somehow yesterday le mari and i got on the subject of sideburns and i actually told him that i thought sideburns that flared out just a little bit on him would look really good. and then he said something about not having like enough hair coverage or something but then i said "if you end it where your hair breaks" and traced a line with my pinky on the side of his face and i swear to god my stomach flipped.
i hate this. i hate this feeling. i suppose in one way it's good because i honestly didn't think i had it in me to feel so strongly for...well...*anybody* so at least i know i can do it...i just wish it were directed towards someone else.

10:02 p.m. - 2005-05-24

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