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bethb's Diaryland Diary

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it's the truth

I added an entry not long ago but I think i must have forgotten to hit 'done'.
I've been doing that a lot lately.
I got (won?) a temporary residency at a newer art space in the area here and I've been making stuff like mad which is a great feeling. I undertand the importance of having a space where I can just make stuff...and then shut the door. It's free for me to be there, it only costs time. which i don't have a lot of. between that and my normal job and sundays at EM, i'm working 63-68 hours a week
i like what i do but the people are wearing on me. especially co-workers who are going out of their way to be total dicks and unhelpful
I might actually be taking a step back into an old job. it's not definite. but it's a strong maybe. which might be dumb, but it would be fantastic to be able to have sick days. and dental insurance.
There might be one more big change coming up which makes me sad but it has to be done.
I've been talking with a friend whose husband is in AA/NA and she taught me the 'three C's' and I can't handle being lied to. not maliciously, but it's causing me to doubt other things he's saying and I already have some trust issues so this is making me crazy so i think it's better if it just ends. I'm 38 years old and i've never broken up with anyone before. this sucks. I usually used the end of a semester or job or move to create a natural break.
Really, i should have listened to myself in the beginning when it wasn't great and yet others said 'give it a chance'. i knew. deep down i knew.
Or maybe i should have heeded the advice i gave myself before that which is- if you're over 35 and you're single, you're broken.
sorry, it's the truth.

12:18 p.m. - 2012-07-16

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