bethb's Diaryland Diary

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great kisser, terrible footrubs

I'm not even sure where to begin with this. This past weekend, via the bookface, I saw someone referring to W as her fiancee which....(*insert needle skipping across a record*)....
I had one friend awake at that time and texts flew back and forth- there were photos of she and him on her page. Photos that were taken a few days before and a few days after the trip to WVA that W and I took around Labor day. Which was a really nice trip that had hand holding and hiking and slept in the same bed and snuggling and "i really miss you"s. Tina wondered if the photo was old, and i said "no. i bought him those pants in April"

Part of me wondered if that trip would be a turning point and if maybe he would prove he could be better. I knew it wouldn't be when he showed up late and drunk the friday night we were leaving.
The thing that perplexes me....well, everything about this perplexes me.
The first photo of them together was about a month after I broke up with him....so maybe I have no reason to feel sad...I was the breaker and he was the break-ee but still. It sucks to think that someone who made you feel so loved, so special, so...much a better you just turn on their heel.
But there were so many problems. His drinking was a problem- he took money from me and his current roommate suspects him for slipping money from his wallet and yet i would find receipts totaling a hundred dollars over 2 nights for one person at a bar near his house. And he denied it until i threw the receipts at him.
And then the chronic ED. When you have drank yourself to the point of perpetual impotence....you have a problem.
And it also sucks when you have a friend (who also maybe has a low-grade drinking problem of her own) that you find out has been drinking with him at a certain bar, even after she knows your worries for him.
It sucks.
Alcohol sucks.
Or at least the all-consuming desire some people have. it's scary..

I'm going to start an etiquette blog called "LET ME PET YOUR DOGS" which stems from a conversation I had with D. but rule # 1 will be: When posting "engagement" photos online, maaaaybe don't be wearing clothes your ex-girlfriend bought for you.

I'm making a list of all the bad stuff and reasons i'm glad he's gone. I'm writing it out, long-hand, in a sketchbook. I'm just kind of letting it all out but I'm writing it like a letter to W. I would never let him read it, because it's mean. But he really did give the worst foot rubs.
Great kisser....terrible footrubs.

9:56 p.m. - 2012-10-15

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